Wear Sunscreen: Advice, like youth, probably just wasted on the young

Advice, like youth, probably just wasted on the young.

June 1, 1997

Inside every adult lurks a graduation speaker dying to get out, some world-
weary pundit eager to pontificate on life to young people who'd rather be
Rollerblading. Most of us, alas, will never be invited to sow our words of
wisdom among an audience of caps and gowns, but there's no reason we can't
entertain ourselves by composing a Guide to Life for Graduates.

I encourage anyone over 26 to try this and thank you for indulging my attempt.

Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '97:

Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The
long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the
rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering
experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not
understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust
me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way
you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you
really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're
behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing
this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The
most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with
their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're
gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you
won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on
your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself
too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are
everybody else's.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what
other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be
nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold
on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in
Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will
philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe
you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run
out.

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it.
Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.

Mary Schmich

Food for Thought: Ralph Waldo Emerson

Yosemite Climber by Mikey Schaefer

“Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Book: James Mollison's "Where Children Sleep"

James Mollison traveled around the globe and took some incredibly eye-opening photos of children’s bedrooms. He then compiled them into a book, titled Where Children Sleep. Each pair of photographs is accompanied by an extended caption that tells the child’s story. The differences between each sleeping space is striking.

Open publication - Free publishing

To help, visit Save the Children
To buy: Amazon

Food for Thought: Jaime Morrison Curtis

Source

There is no "man's work." You can change a tire, build a fire, take out the trash, invest your savings, fix the plumbing, and so forth. Now, if a nice man wants to help you with those things, and you want his help, by all means take it. You have nothing to prove; I just don't want you to count on a male human handling things for you that you are entirely capable of handling yourself. 

Remember that most fairy tales were written by men. Some of the greatest writers of children's fables were male: the Brothers Grimm, Hans Christian Andersen, even Walt Disney. You are not a tiny princess awaiting rescue by a valiant man, a symbol of frailty and naivete, or the punch line in a morality tale. The women in those stories were crafted by a different sex at a different time for a different audience; these days you slay the dragon yourself. 

You are more than a footnote in someone else's story. Don't be "the other woman." She's always a quick side note in the great saga of another couple's love. Cast yourself as the lead in your own life, please. 

Take yourself on dates.A delicious restaurant, a visit to a museum, a matinee -  you are your own best company. 

Being intelligent, beautiful, wealthy, talented, witty, or powerful is meaningless if you are not also kind. 

These and more in Prudent Advice.

Food for Thought: Maya Angelou

“Love life, engage in it, give it all you’ve got… because life truly does give back, many times over, what you put into it.” - Maya Angelou

Food for Thought: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Ode to Dark (Skinned) Girls

From The Crunk Feminist Collective by rboylorn on 6/9/11

she waited
patiently
and in silence
never admitting
out loud
that she secretly wanted to be
light
skinned
brown but in a lighter shade
she would say it out loud
but in whispered tones
"make me white-like
damn near transparent
so that these people can see through me
instead of just past me…
make me
beautiful!"
like the color of the earth I am
but
this skin,
this house to my soul
is only almost pretty
they say
and if I weren't so dark
I might be worth
lovingwantingfuckingstayingbeing
but instead I am just
tolerated
in the dark or in secret
or worn on your shoulder
like
an unnecessary accessory
creating your celebrity
because
i
am
dark
er
than
you
teach me how to love
myself
brilliantlyBrownBlackMahoganyEbonyqueen-like
BronzedCocoaButterDreamChild
the color of fire
in the middle of its escape
skin and eyes round
and regal at once
You are beautiful
I am beautiful
the color of coffee with no cream
dark like the bittersweet chocolate of my dreams
caramel-coated coquette
honey dipped and full of vigor
full lipped and full bodied
full
dark-skinned and exquisite
majestic even
with your brown-black self!
Black is beautiful
You are beautiful
I am beautiful

We are beautiful

To read the entire blog post, click here.

Claude A. Rosier

I never thought my grandfather would die of natural causes. Apparently very few people did. As we called around to inform family and friends of his death, most people asked, “Who killed him,” rather than “how did he die.” I suppose I’m not surprised. Arrested in 1966 for his political views, my grandfather spent eleven years in prison, under both Papa Doc and Baby Doc. My mom was six years old when they took him away, my uncle Ilitch, a newborn. He was tortured and starved, but he lived to tell the world about it, publishing his memoir, Triangle de la Mort: Journal d’un Prisonnier Politique Haïtien 1966-1977, in 2003. Since his release, he has co-founded a non-profit organization for former political prisoners, friends and relatives of the disappeared, worked at L’Ecole Normale Supérieure in Haiti and tirelessly campaigned fought for human rights. This past January, upon the return of Baby Doc to Haiti, from exile, my grandfather and other former political prisoners officially pressed charges against the former dictator.

"The mistake of all dictators and apprentice dictators, despite the lessons of centuries of history, is their stubborn belief in violence as the best permanent solution to tame the masses.  If this were the case, Nero, Hitler, Mussolini, Duvalier, Prosper Avril, Cedras and all the others would have never known political failure. The masses, even those identified as backwards, can endure for a while the violence of others, but they always end up revolting and tearing to shreds the infernal machine that is dictatorship." - Claude Rosier

Ever since I could remember, everything I have done has been to please my grandfather. He was the one person in the world whom I loved without complexities and whose approval I always sought. He continuously encouraged me, giving me books, editing my poems and short stories, and fighting alongside me whenever I needed support. Although his death is a huge loss to our family, Haiti, and the global fight for human rights, I cannot say I am sad today. My grandfather did more in his lifetime for his fellow men and women then most people could ever do in several lifetimes. So no, I am not sad. Rather, I celebrate his life, his mission, and his legacy. I celebrate, for I know in my veins, flow the blood a hero. The many people he inspired will keep carry the torch. He will live through us, through me, through my life’s work and purpose. And as long as I live, I shall strive to make him proud.

Food for Thought: Riverbend

“We’ve learned that terrorism isn’t actually the act of creating terror. It isn’t the act of killing innocent people and frightening others… no, you see, that’s called a ‘liberation.’ […] The war on terror is a joke… Madrid was proof of that last week… Iraq is proof of that everyday. I hope someone feels safer, because we certainly don’t.” - Riverbend from Baghdad Burning: Girl Blog from Iraq. 

The Codes of Gender

Communication scholar Sut Jhally applies the late sociologist Erving Goffman's groundbreaking analysis of advertising to the contemporary commercial landscape in this film about gender as a ritualized cultural performance. Jhally explores Goffman's central claim that the way the body is displayed in advertising communicates normative ideas about masculinity and femininity and is certain to inspire discussion and debate across a range of disciplines.

CNN's "Unwelcome: The Muslims Next Door"

A few hours ago, I caught CNN's "Unwelcome: The Muslims Next Door." The hour-long Soledad O'Brien documentary was about the opposition to a proposed mosque in Murfreesboro, TN. It saddened me to see how much bigotry, hatred, and xenophobia exist in the heart of some Americans. All these right-wing religious zealots were speaking vehemently about the mosque, claiming if it's allowed to be built, it will cause Sharia Law to be implemented in their town [really folks?], women will be oppressed, it will cause an increase in traffic etc. When those reasons failed, they went as far as claiming Islam wasn't a religion [See how much the American education system has failed?]. They went as far as writing hate messages on the sign announcing the upcoming mosque, burning the construction equipment at the site, and firing shots to scare the away the Muslim people. They also claimed all Muslims are terrorists. Seems to be the only one doing the terrorizing are the white-americans in this story. But after all, this is Small-Town, Tennessee, what else can we expect? The whole thing reminded me of the hatred, prejudice, and bigotry black people in the United States (especially in the south) experienced during the Civil Rights era. The saddest part of it all, was the black man who filed a lawsuit to prevent the building of the mosque. Really sir? I guess he must have a short memory or maybe he was asleep during the history lessons when he was in school. Or maybe what they say is true: the bullied today will be the bully tomorrow? Either way, shame on you people of Murfreesboro, Tennessee. Shame on you!

Books that might enlighten you:
- Persepolis by Marjane Satrapi
- Baghdad Burning by Riverbend

The Vagina Monologues: A Review

I have finally had the chance to attend a presentation of The Vagina Monologues. This showing has been going on at the University of Florida for the last four years and truthfully, I have no good reason why I've never attended. But better late than never, right? Along with V-Day, this year's beneficiary was Peaceful Paths Domestic Abuse Network. A member of the Florida Coalition Against Domestic Violence, the organization provides services like emergency shelter and batterer's intervention programming, while serving domestic abuse victims in Alachua, Bradford, and Union counties of Florida. The Vagina Monologues is an episodic play written by playwright and feminist Eve Ensler in 1996. The play is based on interviews Ensler conducted with 200 women.  The women were of a wide age range, various multicultural background, sexual preferences, etc. The interviews covered topics like rape, masturbation, mutilation, orgasm, birth, etc.


The Introduction: Three women discussed how the play came to life as well as the different reactions of the women interviewed. The introduction of the many different names given to the vagina was both funny and interesting. I reminded me of growing up in Haiti and thinking "vagin" was a bad word or at least a word reserved only for grown women.

Hair: When I read this title in the program I thought to myself "What exactly does hair have to do with vaginas?" Well... It's actually a conversation I've had with many of my girl friends. Oh the many things society (well, mostly the porn industry actually) imposes upon us women and our vaginas. It reminded me of the scene in the first Sex and the City movie, in which Samantha is horrified by Miranda's hairy bikini line, and Samantha suggests to Miranda that this might have been one of the reasons why her husband cheated on her.

The Flood: This was based on the interview with a 72-year-old woman. This scene was both charming and extremely sad. Hearing how unaware, embarrassed, frightened, and ashamed this poor old woman was of her vagina was quite sad.  Also, the actress who portrayed this woman's story, Kim Mead, was absolutely brilliant.

The Vagina Workshop: I liked hearing how this woman was liberated and she was taught to please herself. Much like the woman in The Flood, this woman was previously unaware of the existence of her vagina as well as her clitoris. To hear that she was waiting for someone [a man] to one day come and discover her vagina and please her clitoris proved to me just how successfully women have been taught to shy away from sexual pleasure.

My Angry Vagina: This was possibly my favorite scene of the bunch. This monologue basically gave a voice to vaginas everywhere. Here's video of the monologue:



The Vagina Monologues has been criticized for its negative portrayals of male-female sexual relationships. I found that Because He Liked to Look At It did a good job of including a man in the vagina conversation. It has also been criticized because of the representation of brutal sexual encounters. I thought these representations (My Vagina Was My Village and Crooked Braid) were necessary due to the very high statistics of violence against women worldwide. I thought it was a fair representation. In my opinion, it was not making the case that all men are violent and hate women, but rather that there are many women who have suffered violence from the hands of males. On the other hand, I agree with the criticism that The Little Coochi Snorcher That Could represents a bias. The inclusion of a monologue, which describes an instance of female-female statutory rape, in a play that speaks out so loudly against violence against women, makes no sense to me.

Overall, I enjoyed the play. I appreciated what it was meant to achieve and the fact that so many people have benefited from it. It is definitely something I will see again and next time I am definitely bringing a few friends along.

Food for Thought: Rita Mae Brown

"I finally figured out the only reason to be alive is to enjoy it." - Rita Mae Brown

For Colored Girls

This week I'm re-reading Ntozake Shange's choreopoem For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When The Rainbow is Enuf and My God, what a beautiful work of art! One of my favorite poems from the collection is "Toussaint." Being born and raised in Haiti, I am very proud of my cultural and historial heritage. To me, "Toussaint" is the love/thank you letter I wish I could write to Toussaint Louverture. I also really loved "No more love poems #1, 2, 3 and 4." "Sorry" is another favorite of mine. But "Somebody almost walked off wid alla my stuff" definitely stole my heart. So yeah, I'm practically in love with Ntozake Shange. I only wish she would come back to UF before I graduate so I can take a class with her... Fingers crossed.

Food for Thought: Rose Kennedy

, 

"Birds sing after a storm. Why shouldn't people feel as free to delight in whatever sunlight remains to them?" - Rose Kennedy